Trying to 'Adult.'
"Your duty is to be, not to be this or that." -Sri Ramana Maharshi
I've always wanted to be 18, the thought of independence and being able to do what I want (not that anyone has ever been able to make me do anything I don't want to do, but...) has always intrigued me. The exciting prospect of owning my own home, doing my own shopping and being able to choose what to eat for dinner has drawn me in. Now I find myself to be 18, and yes it does feel different, not in a BANG! I'm a completely transformed person, but in a subtle way; a feeling of gratitude for my life, a new sense of grace in the way I present myself, but that could be the wine talking, which was a present from my dear friend for my birthday.
I don't think anyone ever outgrows the joy gifts give them, well, either way, I definitely have not! The idea of someone spending a second thinking of you and deciding what would make you smile and going out their way to collect that for you is just heartwarming, but in reality half the time it's an 'Oh shit', moment on the way to the party where you stop at the nearest shop and buy the cheapest chocolate that looks expensive, the number of times I've done that is not something I will never admit and in all honesty I'd have to refrain from keeping the chocolate for myself. I definitely felt spoilt for my birthday, whilst I write I eat some chocolate I got and look at all the new books and gifts and smile, some people spent more than an 'Oh shit' moment on me!
Parties. I absolutely adore parties, dancing and meeting new people, the prospect of spontaneity is exhilarating! And it does seem I had a party to celebrate my birthday.
It would definitely not have been completed without doughy pizza, giggles, acrobatics, and then a surprise roller coaster down the stairs (fortunately not experienced by me), it definitely tops off all my parties yet! Especially the cake.
When I was a year and a half I was told that I was gluten intolerant, which means I can't process anything with wheat or oats in it, it simply makes me tired and I puff up like a balloon. With this being the case, and the lack of internet when I was little, my wonderful Mom found herself in the awful position of having to create a gluten-free cake recipe out of thin air, which is very difficult when there aren't a surplus of health shops in the early 2000s. So without chickpea flour, rice flour or any other special ingredients at hand, she created a maize cake! WARNING: do not make this cake ever, under no circumstances. Little kids love cake, little kids love anything with refined sugar in it, no matter the colour and the more peculiar the shape the better, so here we are, a group of little tots given a solid chunk of pap with icing. Yum! No. Nobody ate it, it all landed up hidden behind the jungle gym, in a nearby bush or in the hands of politely smiling parents, except for this one kid, don't know what her problem was but she came back for seconds, and thirds, possibly even fourths, not too sure, I was a bit busy creating a magnificent sand castle that reached to the stars and kept hidden unicorns in its garden.
My cakes grew increasingly more unique every year and after my third birthday, I think I remember them even becoming edible! But cake isn't something I found exciting about birthday parties (I don't really like cake), I always enjoyed the treasure hunts, I remember for my 13th party I had a Pirates of the Caribbean party.
We lived on the edge of a big forest at that point with a massive lawn in front of our house, there was even a pond, so to me, it set the perfect scene. We hired the biggest jumping castle I'd ever seen, it had all these palm trees on it and a big pit for all the little balls, but unfortunately the power cut in the first half hour and it was like a sinking ship we had to evacuate before it went under and we were drowned in its suffocating colourful folds. After we had our best-dressed prize giving we embarked on an extravagant treasure hunt. We trudged through the pond and ran back and forth in the garden till we found ourselves balancing our way across the forest floor on planks and other makeshift platforms, for our efforts we found our price, a cake, most definitely one of the best cakes out of them all!
Life is like a treasure hunt if you treat everything you find as a clue you'll end up finding your way. But most the time I find it's best to follow your instincts. You are always right and even when you're not, you are. You might find yourself somewhere you dislike or find you're scared of where you are but that's what life is about, you've just got to learn to get out of these places and guide yourself to the sunny horizons you dream of. It is true that life is about the journey and it will only be ever so more fulfilling if you grow with your experiences and find yourself learning from everything around you.
I've embarked on my new treasure hunt and all my clues I've collected over the years have finally puzzled together and I hope they send me in the right direction, and if I find myself ever in a dead end, I'll just climb the walls and walk along the tops of the roofs I find myself upon.
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